When I was a boy, my older brother promised me that he would give me a surprise gift if I could make good grades in school. From the moment I heard that I was energized and thrilled. I studied hard every day and did everything that my parents asked me. Sometimes the excitement and anticipation made it hard for me to sleep at night. It was an overwhelming feeling. In the years since then I have read many stories or novels that featured the allure of a surprise gift. The effect portrayed is always one of great joy: a feeling so compelling it can make one forget the problems and difficulties of life.
When two disciples of John met Jesus for the first time, they followed him and asked him: “Rabbi, where are you staying?” And Jesus answered them: “Come and you will see.” (John, 1: 39) Jesus did not explain with a lengthy discourse or a homily about what he was doing. He just answered them with a simple invitation that challenged them: Come and see. I believe Jesus’ answer was something of a surprise to them. He does not offer them any details, nor explain any plans. He just invites them to come, to see, to experience, to live with him, and to find the surprise that is promised them.
In September of 2004, I entered my orientation year at the CICM Novitiate in Makassar, South Sulawesi, Indonesia. Other than some stories from a few other people, I knew very little about the seminary, so I had many questions once I was there. Faced with the unfamiliar, I often felt insecure and uncertain. But, thanks to the community, I ultimately adapted to my new situation. Reflecting on that time, I would say that I received some small surprises from Jesus as well.
Years passed, and in 2011 I received my mission assignment: the Dominican Republic would be my destination. A new era was beginning, and questions about the mission came to my mind every day. Again, like awaiting an unknown surprise, my feelings were overwhelming. There was plenty of excitement, but also I had heard stories of difficult times from the older confreres, and that caused me to reflect seriously on my vocation. Eventually, like the two disciples of John who decided to accept Jesus’ invitation, I challenged myself to follow the calling in my heart. I wanted to see with my own eyes: to work and live and find the surprises that Jesus had in store for me in the Dominican Republic.
In April of 2012, we arrived at Las Americas airport, in Santo Domingo. Fr. Delfin, then superior provincial, arrived to pick us up at the airport. The confreres in the provincial house were very welcoming. We lived there for some weeks and studied Spanish during the preparation of our internship program. Next came what we call “Dominicanization:” a program for the new interns or confreres just arriving in the country. It involves living with a Dominican family for three months. In that context, I felt like a child again, trying to speak this new language word-by-word, slowly, like a toddler. Many times my tutors were persons who didn’t know how to read or write, but they taught me. Sometimes I felt stupid and alone, very alone. But it helped me to become a more humble person, and it motivated me to study hard so that I could communicate better with them. There, in that family, I learned so much about how to respect the way other people live, and how they enjoy life. There, I understood more about the love of God through the example of the family. Through that experience, I gained an understanding of life in the Dominican Republic, and how to integrate into it. That was another surprise from Jesus.
After the “Dominicanization” program, in October of 2012, I continued my internship assigned to the Saint Anthony of Padua parish, in Tamayo, (diocese of Barahona). This parish was the first one that welcomed CICMs in the Dominican Republic. The situation here is very different from other parts of the country. Geographically, it is the poorest part of the country; life here is very hard. The second largest of the eleven dioceses in the country, it very much requires the presence of missionaries. There are 23 parishes with only twelve diocesan priests (two of which are currently working outside of the diocese). The number of priests is obviously not sufficient, therefore, the diocese has been trying to animate young people to enter into the seminary. In 2010, the diocese both celebrated its 35th anniversary and opened a minor seminary. Bishop Rafael Felipe Nuñez invited young men of the diocese to consider entering the seminary, but until now the numbers are low. There are many societal realities that we feel inhibit participation. In Tamayo, we see the breakdown of the family with a very high divorce rate and many children living with aging grandparents. There is a culture of corruption, and high rates of crimes involving theft, drug dealing, and even murder.
These problems have caused me reflect on my presence and my vocation. It can be difficult to confront unfamiliar issues. But as I continue I understand more about the mission. I remember a story from an older confrere, told when I was in the novitiate. He said that the missionary is a person who has to empty himself. To be flexible and available for others, he has to open himself to new situations, new cultures, and a new life. He told us: “Don’t compare your culture with the culture where you are sent; that can lead you to judge what is familiar to you as being ‘better.’ A comparison with your own culture tends to make you blind to the positive side of your mission culture. If you want to compare, compare with Jesus’ life, the gospel culture. Jesus’ life is a universal culture.” I always remember these words. They help me to hear, to see, and to understand more about the situation where I live and work.
After some time here, parish priest Fr. Geronimo, cicm, asked me to work with the young people. The goal was to animate some adolescents who had just received first communion to form a youth pastoral in the parish center. I was concerned that I could not manage it, but I believed that God would help me. In January of 2013, I invited them to meet for our first meeting. I was so surprised, and not in a good way. Everyone wanted to talk at the same time, and they were even shouting at one another. It was a terrible situation. We finished our first meeting with no progress whatsoever. I was surprised and frustrated, and could very easily have thought “I am not cut out for this.” Instead, I thought perhaps I should focus not on what I wanted to accomplish, but on what they could gain.
It began with keeping things simple, and it took some time. I determined that I needed to empty myself—put my expectations aside. I decided to do two things: listen to them to understand their life situations, and set some firm rules for conduct. The structure was simple: a short topic presentation, some inspiring music, reading some texts and inviting discussion, and definitely focusing on how to listen to one another! As the months passed, most of the members started to participate in other church activities. The group then took on the monthly responsibility of Sunday readings and announcements at Mass. And last summer, one of the members even decided to enter the minor seminary. Another surprise—this time a good one.
I have realized that this work is not easy. There are times when I have indeed despaired over situations. But Jesus’ invitation has given me the strength to continue my internship. The surprises I have discovered with Him overwhelm me. I know that I am not promised a rosy or secure life… I am simply invited to come and see with my eyes, and continually reflect on my missionary call. There are problems and challenges: behind and ahead. But I know that God loves me. He is calling me to be one of his servants, and He wants me to collaborate with Him.
A surprise is often referred to as something that we didn’t even know we wanted until we got it—something that we couldn’t even imagine receiving. That is what I have experienced as I trust and pursue the invitation to serve as a missionary. I am happy to discover the other surprises that Jesus has prepared for me, as I continue to “come and see.”
Agustinus Panggul, cicm
Tamayo, RD
Agustinus Panggul is a native of Indonesia who joined Missionhurst-CICM in 2009, and was sent to mission in the Dominican Republic in 2012. Agustinus is currently working on his internship in the diocese of Barahona.
