In 2014, Pope Francis convoked the Third Extraordinary General Assembly of the Synod of Bishops, addressing: The Pastoral Challenges of the Family in the Context of Evangelization. To set the tone of this Synod on the Family, Pope Francis urged the bishop-participants to speak with parrhesia: that is, to speak candidly and listen with humility. This was a call for bishops throughout the Church to allow their priests and people to engage in honest conversation about the realities of family life, marriage and human sexuality—in a spirit of respectful and humble dialogue. It was an open invitation for Christians from all walks of life and of varying experiences to participate, discern and contribute their reflections about the realities affecting the family, marriage and human sexuality. In the past, such reflections were mostly confined to theologians. But Pope Francis, through the Synod, opened the gates of reflective dialogue between different stakeholders.
Regional Realities
Early one afternoon, I saw a woman carrying a baby while selling roasted bananas on the side of the road. Taking care of a baby while earning a living is a tough job, and I admire mothers who do all they can for their children. However, with what I then noticed, I was taken aback! There was a bottle of beer under the chair of the mother, and each time the child began to cry, the mother gave it a sip of the alcoholic drink. The few drops of beer sipped by the child worked wonders in making her stop crying… The busy mother could continue undisturbed, roasting bananas to earn a living for the future of the child.
In my experience with young children of the parish, many times I have given communion to those who were not yet properly initiated to receive the sacrament. In their innocence, they wish to have a share of what the initiated ones receive. During communion, they see others receiving something to eat from the priest, and they simply join the line to receive as well. Many times parents punish or even spank their children for attempting to receive Holy Communion prematurely. I discourage parents from punishing their children. Instead, I ask them to explain to their children why they cannot receive communion yet. I prefer that we take advantage of the child’s desire to partake, and encourage the family to enroll them in catechism classes when they are ready. Initiating them into Christian life should build on their curiosity and enthusiasm.
During several years of pastoral ministry, I have had the occasion to welcome a good number of parents and guardians who accompanied, or even forcefully brought, their children to the parish for the imposition of hands. Ours is a society where polygamy and witchcraft are practiced and culturally accepted. Some parents strongly believe in mystical forces that influence the behavior of their children. Troublesome behaviors such as stubbornness, disrespectfulness, poor performance in school, drug addiction, etc., often evoke a belief in the direct influence of bad spirits. There is also the suspicion of others in the community using mystical forces to destroy the lives of the children. In these situations, I typically try to engage the family members to learn some details: whether or not the child or family attends church, how the family members relate to one another, etc. In most cases it is evident that the children are often unsupervised, lack direction/purpose, or they simply long for parental attention.
These accounts illustrate some of the dilemmas we encounter in our pastoral work with families. We have parents initiating young children to alcohol use at a fragile age, and punishing their children for their innocence and curiosity in church. We also see parents responding to their children’s shortcomings (or simple desires to belong or be noticed) with suspicion of evil forces or influence. Accompanying families accustomed to these practices and anxieties is part of our apostolate. These encounters are very important for our reflections on the spirit of new evangelization. We must consider these realities when we contemplate how best to serve and evangelize in our communities.
Pastoral Challenges
In preparation for the convening of the Synod on the Family, the general secretariat disseminated related documents and questionnaires to various archdioceses around the world; these generated significant reflections among the faithful. Through the Archdiocese of Yaoundé, to the missionary area of Mokolo-South, we too received the preparatory material, divided into eight groups of questions on marriage and the family. We scheduled a regional meeting to respond and reflect on the questions. It was an opportune gathering of priests and faithful: to discern together the realities and challenges of family and conjugal life. It was wonderful to hear the openness of the faithful, expressing their desire to strengthen their marital commitments. They went beyond giving categorical answers; testimonies among couples were grounded in their daily and actual experiences and struggles. The challenges for us missionaries and priests are immense. And we face the question of how to respond to the call of our time. How are we going to make our missionary presence alive in the midst of marital and family crises today? How do we proclaim conjugal faithfulness in a setting where tradition encourages polygamy?
Inspired Evangelization
The zonal meeting and reflections surrounding the Synod on the Family inspired two major activities in our parish: a Couple’s Encounter Seminar and the theme of our mid-year community event.
First we initiated the Couple’s Encounter Seminar, which is a regular prayer and support group that meets monthly. It aims to enhance the Christian values within the family and to revitalize the dynamic commitment among couples. It is an inclusive group, not limited to couples that were married in the church. It is intended to welcome all: encouraging those who are still discerning their conjugal commitments, and men and women whose sacramental responsibilities or commitments may have lapsed as well. The group serves as a support for those who are struggling in their marital relationships. Educational elements offer couples guidance in the different aspects of personal and conjugal development. There is a forum for couples to propose topics/issues/problems that can be discussed or explored for their formation. Also, we have invited various professionals, religious, and couples from other parishes to share their expertise and experiences. As stated in some of the material from the Synod: “It is necessary to accept people in their concrete being, to know how to support their search, to encourage the wish for God and the will to feel fully part of the Church, also on the part of those who have experienced failure or find themselves in the most diverse situations.”
The preparation work from the Synod on the Family then inspired us to form the theme of our mid-year community event: it was “New Evangelization begins in a Christian Family.” One very special aspect of this celebration was an emphasis on marriage, culminating with a group wedding. There was indeed a long process of preparation for that endeavor!
Love Conquers All
A Cameroonian wedding is typically a series of weddings: the traditional wedding, a court wedding, and then the Christian wedding. Culturally speaking, the order of this series must be respected. Most of the marriage candidates from our area are couples who have been living together for more than ten years. Many are active members in church groups but are not receiving communion because of the irregularities in their marital status. What hinders them in the progress of their wedding plans is that most of them have been unable to fulfill the dowry demanded by the wife’s family in the traditional ceremony. Subsequently, they are hesitant to move ahead to the civil and Christian weddings, fearing that the unfulfilled village tradition will result in being cursed by their respective families. This cultural reality demonstrates how necessary it is to establish a responsive pastoral program that touches the real problems and issues faced by many couples. We cannot simply rely on theoretical calisthenics.
Indeed, I realized a huge opportunity to offer some counsel to couples struggling with marriage in this context. I visited parishioners in their humble homes and rented rooms, and tried to emphasize to them that all parents wish only the best for their children: most would never wish to demand things beyond the means of their children. We discussed the crushing debt that many who attempt to fulfill this tradition encounter. And I suggested that requesting their parents’ involvement in their wedding preparations and ceremonies might be the best way to obtain their blessings.
We also discussed the difference between a contract and a covenant: that a covenant is an agreement that brings about a relationship/commitment—while a contract is an agreement based on laws. The sacrament of matrimony is a holy covenant; it is much more than an agreement to each other’s terms/conditions. Christian Matrimony is a sacred institution, uniting a man and woman in the spirit of love and trust, together as one, in order to accomplish God’s purpose for their lives.
The Fruits of our Focus
As the Friday of our community event arrived, loved ones, families and friends surrounded eleven couples in our humble parish hall. These couples committed themselves to one another in a legal ceremony in front of the city mayor. We are grateful for the mayor’s availability to officiate the civil ceremony, as well as to process the necessary documents and even sponsoring some couples who had financial difficulties. Then on Saturday, eight couples professed their matrimonial vows in religious ceremonies at the parish of St. Luke’s-Carierre. As each couple celebrated in their respective homes that evening, preparations were being made for their “Thanksgiving Day:” the Sunday Eucharistic celebration was the culminating event of our community celebration. During the mass each couple, together with their families and village mates, offered gifts of thanksgiving and praise. The main message of the celebration was empowerment: these couples were assured of the moral and spiritual support of their community. Now, husband and wife have the primary role of evangelizing each other through forgiveness, mutual support, and prayers. The sacrament of matrimony also gives each Christian couple the authority to initiate their children in the Christian faith through daily witnessing. Evangelizing each other in their marital relationship will surely facilitate their joy of living the Gospel with their children. The vocation of a Christian family is to make the Gospel alive in their hearts.
The Synod on Evangelization within the family articulated that the Church must accompany her most fragile sons and daughters. That inspired us to initiate new ways to address the needs of families here in our small corner of Cameroon. Despite cultural impediments or previous wounds or failings, a realistic dialogue that begins with truly listening to people can lead to restored trust and renewed hope. Our mission of evangelization is the unconditional support of the desire for God, and continuing to find pathways to God.
Rene Cabag, cicm
Yaoundé, Cameroon
Fr. Rene Cabag, Jr., cicm, is a native of the Philippines who joined Missionhurst-CICM in 2002, and was ordained in 2010. Working in Cameroon since 2007, Fr. Rene is currently parish priest of St. Luke, in Yaoundé-Messa, Cameroon.
